Janice—Blog number seven: Reflection

My experience of this class was much different from what I expected. I think I had assumed I would be working directly on my thesis; in a way, of course, I was: I just had no idea so many questions and options existed around and for research work. The best readings for me were the articles about qualitative research options: Richardson (1993), Moen (2006), and Slatterly (2003), to cite a few. My thesis work, evolving as it has into a more creative piece of writing, thinking, and even living, as been a real shot in the arm.

The responses from my peers and my critical friend echoed some response and promptings from Leslie: I must pay more attention to academic practice and style. Yes, I can be more far-reaching in my thoughts and writing than I had previously thought, but I can’t be perceived as being sloppy or unaware of expected stylistic forms. Those are the two large “things I learned”: the paradox of increased intellectual freedom along with the increased necessity of documenting and supporting that freedom with a history and community. I won’t get away with writing off the top of my head.

My next is to follow where my journal is taking me. I will read definitive sources for social learning theory with utmost attention—Bandura, (1977), for example, and more intensely allied theories of creativity and psychology: Mumford & Connelly (1994) and Kitchner & Brenner (1990) being two good starting points. I need more internalized knowledge to recognize and respond to those granular teaching moments I am looking for.

The most important piece of knowledge I gained from this class was that I can do this. It is ironic: the basis of my hypothesis (self-efficacy) is what I had to achieve myself. I don’t know what I will remember in one or in five years time: I don’t make predictions of that sort. I suppose I hope I remember being happy in the face of doubt and chaos and turning a corner. I do know one thing: you never know what will happen in the future.

How has my knowledge grown about research? Even though I want to carve out my own path, others have carved out their own paths before me—and part of mine as well—and I must situate myself in a conversation with a research community. There must be strong tentacles to the world of academia. As for skills—I sometimes feel as if I am arm-wrestling sentences into shape; trying to make my words as clear, meaningful, and fluid as I would like them to be. Writing is hard work: I have to write, re-write, edit, deliberate, expand, contract, and ground—over and over again. Writing is an old interest newly revitalized, but I have the experience of my years of reading, thinking, taching, and artmaking to help make it happen. A skill I must work on is organization: my thoughts and notes are scattered over several journals, dozens of notated articles, and in my reading reflections. I need to create system for bringing information together and, sometimes, breaking it apart to go in different directions. I haven’t figured out how to do this yet.

I don’t think I changed the general tenor of my beliefs but perhaps I opened them up to new possibilities, especially in the realm of arts-based research and post-modern qualitative methods. The part of the class that seemed most worth my time, to me at this moment, was the reading and the research proposal draft and the pilot study. I feel good about my research because I was intuitively on the right path, but I had to learn to circumscribe my ideas so they, in turn, could be more focused. The single most important thing I learned about me and my research was trust: to trust my ideas and my ability to shape them.

I didn’t respond much in the discussion board. Most of the time I was lost in the chaos of my own thoughts and sometimes felt overwhelmed reading about the chaos of others. With all the surrounding study we did about research, I am certainly much more aware of the forms it can take and questions and issues it must address. I have more trust in my ability to evaluate research.

If I took this class again I would notice and submit to the academic requirements more quickly. Informal research is a part of daily life, and formal research can be a creative part of an artist and educator’s life as well. I would approach the class with a better understanding and respect for both perspectives.


References:

Bandura, A. (1977). Social learning theory. New York: General Learning Press.

Kitchner, K., & Brenner, H. (1990). Wisdom and reflective judgment: Knowing in the
face of uncertainty. In R.J. Steinberg (Ed.). Wisdom: Its nature, origins and
development (pp. 212-229). New York: Cambridge University Press.

Moen, T. (2006). Reflections on the narrative research approach. International Journal of
Qualitative Research Methods, 5(4), 1-11.

Mumford, M. & Connelly, M. (194). Creativity and problem solving: Cognition,
adaptability, and wisdom. Roeper Review, 16 (4), 241-257.

Richardson, L. (1993). Poetics, dramatics, and transgressive validity :The case of the
skipped line. The Sociological Quarterly, 34(4), 695-710.

Slattery, P. (2003). Troubling the contours of arts-based educational research. Qualitative
Inquiry, 9(2), 192-7.